dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
