I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
