I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
