yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
