Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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