i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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