This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
