It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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