how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
