Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
