What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
