Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize