and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
