you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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