You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
