"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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