I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
