You kept calling me your small dog last night.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
