Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
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