sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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