he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
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