Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
This is my gift to your gina
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I could fuck to npr.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
