You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
