dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
