The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
