so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
