I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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