Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
