OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
