sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
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Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
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He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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