pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
