just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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