So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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