why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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