I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
