im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
should my penis look like a turkey
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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