If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
