Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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