so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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