Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
you told grandpa to call you daddy
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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