I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize