she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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