i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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