my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
