i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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