girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
