i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
