who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
