names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
