What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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