We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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