im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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