a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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