Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
