The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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