when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
