I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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