i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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